03/20/2019
A married man says he loves his wife, and I hope that is true, but how do we gauge whether we are honestly loving her as we should? The only true measure is to compare our love for her against the love of Jesus for His bride... the Church. Comparing ourselves against other men is to make a flawed comparison; only when we go to scripture and use Jesus as our model are we able to truthfully understand the love we should have.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV
To begin our introspection we should go back to the second great commandment which is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Can we obey this commandment and not love our wives? Well, this scripture could very easily have been written that we should love our neighbors as we love our wife because aren’t we one flesh with her? If we are one then loving her should be as natural as loving ourself. This reality is repeated over and over throughout the Bible... here are three scriptural examples:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24 ESV
“and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?”
Matthew 19:5 ESV
“'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.”
Mark 10:7-8 ESV
Is she perfect? She is only as perfect as we are. In fact, we should work to perfect her even as we work to perfect ourselves, and likewise as Jesus works to perfect us... his church. When we come to the undeniable conclusion that we are of one flesh, then we realize that Jesus, by calling the Church His bride, desires to be one with her as well. This oneness gives us a new insight into the second great commandment of love, and becomes a guiding principle in our treatment of not only those around us in Church, but demonstrates that we are one with them through our marriage to Jesus just as we are one with our wife by our earthly marriage.
When we look at the sacrifice that Jesus made for us during His suffering, crucifixion, and resurrection, then we understand the degree to which He loves us. Is this the way you love your wife? Are you willing to not only give your life for her, but to suffer unimaginably for her as well? Such is the love of Christ for us, and it is also how Paul instructs us to love when He says “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
This is a hard declaration and becomes harder at times than anything we can do alone, but it can be done if we lean on the strength of the Lord, and resolve ourselves to the truth of oneness. Perhaps we find it easier to love someone that we hold at arm’s distance... someone we might see in church, or at work, but not a person we live with every day, and share one body with. Yet the truth remains that our wife holds a special place in us, and God’s Word tells us to love her in a special way. When we are in an argument with her, or she is complaining about our sloppy habits, it can disrupt the feeling of love we feel, but think of this... how does Jesus continue to love us, and endure our slovenly spiritual natures when we are less than perfect? Does He ever lose heart in us? No! So even in the midst of marital arguments we should never lose sight of our love for our wife. This is the example that Jesus presents us. Did He die for you because you were perfect? No! He died for you because He loves you, and He loved you despite the fact that you were ripe with sin.
“For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:7-8 ESV
So, how does the love you have for your wife stack up against the love Jesus has for the Church? Do you love her based on how perfect she is at any particular moment? Do you see the oneness? Do you see yourself in her when you look at her? Do you abide in her, and allow her to abide in you?
Prayer:
Father, I thank you for my wife and the institution of marriage. I thank you for loving me, even in my most decrepit state of sin. I thank you for your Son Jesus Christ who works so diligently to make me pure of heart, and to forever strengthen my love for you. Help me Holy Father to endure the hard times of married life; not just by tolerating them, but in an everlasting love. Help me to realize that when I am in discord with my wife I am also at odds with myself, and your Word. Teach me Merciful Father to love her as Jesus loves the Church, and as you have loved me... always, forever, and in spite of my shortcomings. Open my eyes Lord to the very special relationship that exists in marriage... one I experience here on earth with this woman, and that I will soon experience with your Son upon His return to claim His bride. Holy, Holy, Holy, are you my God who abides in me, and invites me to abide in you. Great is your Son Jesus, and greater yet are you who sent Him to suffer and die for me that we might then become one in marriage before you. Praised be your name Gracious Father, and in you all glory abounds through your goodness, love, and grace. By your strength, and will, you lead me to hold fast to the love I have for you, for your Son Jesus, and the earthly love I feel for my wife, my helpmate, and my soulmate. Perfect me in love Father, and harvest the bounty of that love for your table... a pleasant aroma, a taste sweeter than honey.
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Colossians 3:18-19 ESV
Rich Forbes